Life is Hard: Healthy Ways to Cope
Life can be hard. Some things are simply out of our hands and we’re left with raw emotion that feels so horrible we just need some relief and after all, what’s wrong with that? Everyone needs to cope somehow because it is a part of the human experience. Now that you're here, we'll dive into the unhealthy vs. healthy ways of coping and understand that there is a wide spectrum of ways to do it. One valuable tool in our coping arsenal is the creation of a coping skills list. This comprehensive list is designed to remind us how to avoid snowballing into an unhealthy direction so that over time, our brains can automatically cope in healthy ways.
Unhealthy Ways of Coping
Most of us can spot unhealthy methods of dealing with stress or difficult situations but let’s go through a few before we get to a quick homework assignment I often give to clients to help them stay healthy. Unhealthy ways of coping might be
Overeating
Oversleeping
Overworking, and overdoing anything, really
Lash out at people
Consume drugs or alcohol
Seek comfort in unhealthy sexual relationships
Use porn
Or run to things that might seem like it would create relief.
In reality, all we are doing is numbing ourselves and pausing the situation, later still have to come back to it with possibly now more problems due to the negative ways of coping. Avoiding is rarely good, after all.
When people avoid and use unhealthy coping methods, like drugs, for example, they stop growing emotionally. On the other hand, if we deal with problems, we grow, we become more mature, we can thrive. It's a balance of working at it, digging deep, doing the hard work, and taking breaks as necessary. If we balance the hard work and give ourselves healthy breaks, we are loving ourselves and those around us.
How to Create A Healthy Way of Coping
Apart from the good and hard work we do in therapy, often times I will give clients an assignment to write out a coping skills list. I tell them that they just have ONE thing to remember in a moment of depression, anxiety, or high emotion, and that's their folder, or wherever they are keeping tools that I have given them. When in the moment of emotion it can be hard to remember what was talked about in therapy and what skills the clients have learned, especially in the beginning before things start to shift. It’s human nature to revert back to our bad habits or typical ways of coping which isn't always helpful.
If we have a coping skills list that has been created ahead of time so that when we get into a situation all we have to do is grab the list. If we use it early it can keep us from spiraling too far down the road of handling things negatively like we have many times before. After all, the brain remembers; it can be like a snowball and head in the unhealthy direction quickly, so try to grab the coping list early on!
Creating the Coping List
Ideally, you would write a long list of things that you can do in a moment of crisis, depression, or anger. This could include about 30 items. Some of the items on the list would include things that are intentional regarding mental health and the situation. Some examples include:
Doing some cognitive restructuring handouts
Journaling about the topic and underlining the common feelings that are seen in the writing
Trying to put yourself in another person's shoes if applicable and empathize with them or the situation
Looking at fears and empathizing with oneself
Goal setting
Looking at yourself and what you might be able to change now, and list what small steps can be taken now
I am happy to give homework and handouts to clients who like that kind of stuff. We try different things for different people depending on where they are “at” and what we are all thinking at the time.
Not ready to deal? Here’s a way to table the issue until you are.
Then there are things that you can put on your list that would allow you to table the issue. These could include just giving yourself a break and maybe vegging, leaving the situation aside for later while you regroup. Activities for this part of the list might include:
Cleaning a closet or a drawer
A hobby
Something Artistic
Soothing music (but be careful of what music, not sappy love songs after a fight with your partner, for example)
Exercising
Reading
Taking a hot bath
Deep breathing or meditating
Getting out in nature
Taking a nap
In conclusion, life presents us with its fair share of challenges, and how we cope with them can significantly impact our well-being. It's crucial to recognize that there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to manage stress and negative emotions. While it's essential to address problems directly and work towards personal growth and maturity, it's equally important to take breaks and provide ourselves with self-care.
Creating a coping skills list can be a powerful tool for navigating moments of depression, anxiety, or heightened emotions. This list serves as a reminder of the strategies and techniques learned in therapy, allowing us to maintain our progress and avoid reverting to harmful habits.
In our pursuit of balance and self-love, we must remember that there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Different people may require unique coping methods to best suit their individual needs and circumstances.
Ultimately, the path to emotional well-being involves a combination of hard work, self-compassion, and seeking assistance when necessary. By equipping ourselves with a diverse range of coping strategies, we empower ourselves to face life's challenges with resilience and strength, ultimately improving our own lives and the lives of those around us.