It can be difficult to rebuild trust in a relationship when trust has been broken, but it is possible.  Often times it can even be possible to get to a much better place in the relationship than before the trust was broken.  Many times it takes something big to happen in a couple’s relationship to motivate them to do the work needed to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship.  Often times infidelity, a separation, or a discovered secret ends up being a sort of “wake up call” and motivation to nurture a relationship.  Many times couples who have successfully worked through something such as infidelity say that they are happier than they had ever been in their relationship and although they wish the infidelity never happened, they may never had taken their relationship so seriously in order to do the hard work to get to the new place. 

I am by no means recommending that you have an affair to spice up your relationship, but I am saying that there is hope for reconciliation if trust has been broken in your relationship. 

I often hear complaints about bringing up the past.

Arguments can be challenging in any relationship, but they can become even more contentious when the past is brought up. I am always sensitive to both parties: the one who has to hear about the past (“here we go again”) and the person who feels it is unresolved, either within themselves or in the relationship.

I’ve heard from clients more than a couple of times that, while they wouldn’t wish an affair on anyone, they ended up feeling grateful for the experience. The affair pushed them to a place where they were ready to do the hard work and learn about themselves and their partner in a deeper way than they ever would have otherwise. For those who truly come out the other end having done the work, they are stronger, more connected, and often more sure of their relationship than ever before.

There’s a saying, “It takes two to tango,” implying that both partners in a relationship are equally responsible for any problems. While this may be true in some cases, it’s not true in all. Why question the 50/50 idea of fault in a relationship? Because it can be detrimental to certain people.

Your wife is angry at you and you have no idea why.  If you are like most men, your spouse’s angry mood sparks in you feelings of tenseness, nervousness, irritation, confusion, and importantly, oftentimes shame.  If what you have been doing in response to your wife’s anger is not working it is time to respond differently.

Couples will have disagreements from time to time. It's a normal part of being in a relationship. Could it be possible that two people think the same way about everything? Statistically, that would be a very slim chance.  What are some signs that the arguing is crossing the line into abuse? Here is a list of examples:

Oftentimes people think they're coming to counseling to improve their communication and I usually tell them that although healthy communication is required for a healthy relationship, it’s not usually communication tips or skills that will help their relationship. If it was, they could just learn communication tips by reading a book or searching “communication skills” online (which I’m all for, by the way)….